Embattled Announcer Seeks Counsel from 160over90

January 15, 2009 • 1:32 pm • POSTED BY brendan quinn

Meet Joe Buck. If you can’t tell from that little lady he’s caressing, he’s on TV. And on the surface, he’s been pretty successful at it. He’s the go-to sports announcer for every big game on Fox, including World Series and playoff games. He’s a successful pitchman for Holiday Inn and he’s the son of a Hall of Fame broadcaster. But recently, the general public has soured on Mr. Buck, and have begun to call him out on his smugness, his corporate shilling, and worst of all, his general assclownish-ness.

So where does a man seeking advice on livening up a room turn? There’s only one answer:

Yes, when a man needs to get his announcing mojo back, Cory “The Emcee” McCall will be your Yoda. Though Cory was well saturated from numerous High Life pounders and a flask of smuggled sambuca that he enjoyed while watching your Philadelphia Eagles smack around the Jersey Giants, he was still willing to offer sage advice. The man is a professional, after all.

First, he told Buck to “Work on the wardrobe, Joey. Mind if I call you Joey? Eh, too bad. You look like a schnook. Rope a black tie around your little turkey neck and church up the broadcast booth a bit.”

He continued ,”Next, breathe a little life into your performance. And by life, I mean Grey Goose, straight up, two olives.”

He then offered, “Get out there and move. Everyone loves a nice Lindy Hop.”

And finally, he added, “And don’t forget. Should a statuesque Dutchman cross your path, don’t be afraid to crawl through his undercarriage. A real showstopper.”

And with that final jewel of wisdom, The Emcee went wandering through the swamplands of North Jerz in search of his next booking. Mr. Buck, though, was then treated to a conversation with a well-lubricated Stephen Penning, who paid the broadcaster his compliments, while stealthily applying a textbook Stink Palm.