A Brand in Trouble: The Irish Americans

March 17, 2009 • 10:48 am • POSTED BY brendan quinn

There is a chance you are already drunk this St. Patrick’s Day and for that awesomeness you can thank the Irish.

But you might also be wearing shamrock-shaped sunglasses. The frat guy next to you might be sporting a t-shirt that is two-sizes too small emblazoned with a solicitation to kiss his blarney stones. And worse yet, watery St. Louis beer spiked with food coloring might fill every pitcher in sight. And for these transgressions, you can blame poor brand management.

It started slowly, you see. A Shamrock Shake here, a bowl of Lucky Charms there. Irish Spring’s scent may very well be magnificent but its single-note brand is fairly odious. But the real damage came when Bennigan’s took a sacred place—the Irish pub—and replaced any bit of comfort and soul with menu items like “Guinness® Glazed Popcorn Shrimp,” “Top O’ The Morning Tuna” and “Thrice Broiled Remains of My Ancestors’ Dignity.”

The Irish pub concept became such a hit that it spawned an entire industry of seemingly more “authentic” Irish pubs than Bennigan’s. Led by the creatively named Irish Pub Company, any Tom, Dick, or Kieran could open a pub with the proper architecture (choose from five basic styles!) and some basic rules, outlined in this Slate column:

“The concept outlines some simple steps to achieve ‘Irishness’: You’ll want to add Irish music, traditional grub, and ‘bric-a-brac’ such as reproductions of antique spinning wheels, cast irons, and flagons.” It’s so easy, a functioning alcoholic could do it!

While this inauthentic quest for authenticity at least had some element of respect for Irish culture, the Irish brand took a real hit when tchotchke flingers discovered a simple formula: shamrock +/- leprechaun multiplied by dimwitted reference to drinking = straight cash homey!

Thanks for the heads up, Chaz! Or should I say, McChaz!

…

The Irish have endured quite a bit. Famines. Centuries of poverty. The British and their tireless wanker-dom. Colin Farrell. Can we at least keep our pride? We don’t ask for much. A simple glass of whiskey, a healthy dose of self deprecation, and passive-aggressive family gatherings typically will keep us comfortable. We really require little more–maybe triple digit SPF sunscreen in the warmer months. That’s all.

So drink up, my Irish and non-Irish friends. Wear some green and listen to the Pogues, even. But take off that stupid fecking shirt.