Intern Inferno 2k9: Round 1, Week 1
July 9, 2009 • 5:41 pm • POSTED BY eArnold
After minutes, possibly even hours, of pouring their sweat and blood into training, the time has come for the interns to step into the Inferno. Round 1 will be split into two weeks, beginning tomorrow, Friday, July 10th, 2009 on the 160over90 ping pong table, with results to be reported in next week’s blog post. In this single elimination tournament, players must pull all the stops to ensure their bid to the championship, but please, leave the knee bashing to Tonya Harding.
Before making your bets, make sure to read up on the players competing this week, after the jump. We like our betters to be informed before they consent. Let the Inferno begin.
Play-in Round:
Phil “Honeycomb” Holcombe vs. Liz “Football Head” Arnold
Player Bios:
NAME: Phil Holcombe
AGE: 21
HEIGHT: 1859.28 mm
WEIGHT: 72574779.2 mg
HOMETOWN: Bensalem, Pa
UNDERGRAD: Rhode Island School of Design
MAJOR/MINOR: Graphic Design
AREA OF INTEREST IN ADVERTISING: Problem solving. I like the moment when you figure out what you’re going to do and I like the process of developing a system to execute it.
WHAT DO YOU BRING TO ADVERTISING: A design background. Sometimes I have saltines.
FAVORITE AD/DESIGN: It’s like asking me to pick a favorite child. Jenny.
FAVORITE INTERN “DUTY”: Bringing certain employees their keys when they arrive at their vehicle only to realize they can’t get inside of it.
IF YOU COULD HAVE THE WARDROBE OF ANY 160OVER90 EMPLOYEE, WHO WOULD IT BE*: Adam Flanagan.
PERSONAL STRENGTHS: Well, I can go weeks without spending my change.
PERSONAL WEAKNESSES: The sound of nylon pants rubbing together. And I can’t get too close to pickles.
Thoughts on Liz’s future as a ping pong player*: “No one’s success is as dependent on their own failure as her. It’s like watching a plane crash. You don’t even want to look at her anymore, but you couldn’t stop if you tried.”
NAME: Liz Arnold
AGE: 1 score and 1 year ago…
HEIGHT: 1.73 meters
WEIGHT: 25 stones
HOMETOWN: Langhorne, PA
UNDERGRAD: University of Miami, the Florida version.
MAJOR/MINOR: Studying your brain to figure out how to make you buy stuff (Psychology/Advertising).
AREA OF INTEREST IN ADVERTISING: Copywriting and/or account planning.
WHAT DO YOU BRING TO ADVERTISING: Alliteration.
FAVORITE AD/DESIGN: Anything involving monkeys thinking they’re people (Career Builder, Arby’s), or babies acting like adults (Comcast, E*trade). Simple humor gets me every time.
FAVORITE INTERN “DUTY”: Making flow charts and Venn diagrams that bring me back to 5th grade, and the realization that my artistic abilities have not improved since then.
PERSONAL STRENGTHS: Carla Tate impressions, soft-shoe dancin’, the ability to watch many consecutive hours of terrible reality TV.
PERSONAL WEAKNESSES: Sarah McLachlan SPCA commercials, estimating time and distance, naming the 50 states in less than 5 minutes.
Thoughts on Phil’s “stage presence”*: “A mongoose has more chivalry than he does. He looks like a Furby and his facial hair looks like a balding albino porcupine crawled across his face to take a nap.”
Anna “Crappywriter” Hartley vs. Winner of Play-in Round
Player Bio:
NAME: Anna Hartley
AGE: 23.315 years old
HEIGHT: 5’4”
WEIGHT: 7,000 dodrans
HOMETOWN: Palo Alto, CA
UNDERGRAD: University of Pennsylvania
MAJOR/MINOR: Comparative Literature & French (double major)
AREA OF INTEREST IN ADVERTISING: Copywriting
FAVORITE AD/DESIGN: Mr. W.; Mac vs. PC ads
FAVORITE INTERN “DUTY”: picking up stray ping-pong balls that bounce under my desk.
WHICH 160OVER90 EMPLOYEE WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO BE YOUR WINGMAN*: Ravioli Brown, because he brings CHC brochures with him when he goes bar-hopping so that he can snare the ladies with his modeling skillz.
PERSONAL STRENGTHS: The ability to drink 32oz of coffee without getting the shakes.
PERSONAL WEAKNESSES: A mild phobia of displaying my lack of hand-eye coordination in public (i.e. ping pong); the occasional desire to say something punny.
Thoughts on Liz*: “You mean the half-woman, half-octopus featured on the cover of the National Enquirer? One word: AWESOME.”
Thoughts on Phil’s freshly inked Inferno contract*: “The fact that he receives $65,000 per [match] is one of the most profoundly embarrassing facts of American entertainment culture.”
Sarah “The Riddler” Riddle vs. Mike “Suzuki Slim” Zwizanski
Player Bios:
NAME: Sarah Riddle
AGE: 22
HEIGHT: 5 foot 12
WEIGHT: 2080 ounces
HOMETOWN: Williamston, South Carolina
UNDERGRAD: Savannah College of Art and Design
MAJOR/MINOR: Advertising Design
AREA OF INTEREST IN ADVERTISING: Art Direction
WHAT DO YOU BRING TO ADVERTISING: Chocolate chip cookies and a passion for building forts.
FAVORITE AD/DESIGN: Mini cooper campaign
FAVORITE INTERN “DUTY”: Anything in the comp room
WHO IS YOUR 160OVER90 IDOL*: Cory McCall because he reminds me of Bruce Springsteen.
PERSONAL STRENGTHS: I bake extremely delicious things that are really unhealthy but yummy.
PERSONAL WEAKNESSES: I’m super forgetful. I have to carry pen and paper with me everywhere so I can make notes of things I need to remember. My hands are consistently covered with ink of important reminders. Sometimes I forget to breathe and then when I remember it feels like I just held my breath underwater for a minute or two.
Thoughts on her rumored romance with opponent Mike Z*: “[Not happening] He reminds me of someone I went to high school with, who I would ignore the calls of. And would hide my car behind a shed in my parents’ yard so that he would think I wasn’t home if he drove by.”
NAME: Mike Zwizanski
AGE: 34
HEIGHT: 5’9”
WEIGHT: 145
HOMETOWN: Ridley Park, PA
UNDERGRAD: Temple University
MAJOR/MINOR: Advertising
AREA OF INTEREST IN ADVERTISING: Account Management
WHAT DO YOU BRING TO ADVERTISING: Style and Substance
FAVORITE AD/DESIGN: VW Think Small
FAVORITE INTERN “DUTY”: Ping Pong Ball Boy
ARE YOU JEALOUS OF ANY OF THE 160OVER90 INTERNS, WHY*: Mad Dog. He has the best nick name.
PERSONAL STRENGTHS: Dreamweaving.
PERSONAL WEAKNESSES: Terrible at personal quizzes.
If Sarah’s back-hand was a fast food order, what would it be*: “[I would call it] a National Disgrace Jr. with cheese.”
*not the original question.
I’m loving these bios. I can’t wait to see Marina Schoger step in to compete, because she’s super sweet and kind-hearted. She’d never snap at someone for accidentally having their elbows (which are soft and incredibly clean) touch her tiny piece of bread.
My money’s on Mad Dog, repping the Parkers. The fact that he’s been our intern for six years and I had no idea he lives on the mean streets of the R.P. like me makes him the silent-but-violent dark horse of this competition.
My money is on Fruman. He’s still an intern, right?
ROB! ROB! ROB! ROB! ROB!