Intern Inferno 2k9: Round 3 – It’s The Final (Countdown) Bah dah daah daaaah. Bah dah dah dah daaah.
July 31, 2009 • 3:01 pm • POSTED BY eArnold
This is it, kids. After weeks of swinging, smacking, and submissions, the finalists have made their way to the top. Before we view the contenders, let’s see how they got there, with the results of Round 2…
Results of Round 2
Mike “Suzuki Slim” Zwizanski vs. Phil “Honeycomb” Holcombe
Possibly distracted by his forthcoming birthday debaucheries, Mike succumbed to the wrath of Phil’s double-handed dance. There was, however, an Intern Inferno first in this match: a legitimate rally. For an entire 45 seconds, Mike and Phil paddled the ball back and forth, before Phil ultimately earned the point. This opens many doors for the Final Game, possibly even the chance for more than two games.
After the game, Phil yet again shined a light on his quirky views of his opponent*, “ [Mike]may be the most athletic to ever play the game. But totally overrated. And at this point, it’s safe to say he’s a cat person.” Is that a compliment? You decide.
Score:
Game 1: 11-4 Phil
Game 2: 11-7 Phil
Mike “Mad Dog” Medoro vs. Tyler “The Goon” Muldoon
Though it seemed Mad Dog entered this Round 2 match in quest of retribution for Tyler’s boorish tactics against Megan (Mad Dog was overheard valiantly defending her, shouting*, “How dare you! She’s a nice lady.”), he was unable to overcome Tyler’s indisputable talent. Tyler moves on to the finals, and on to another person to take out his rage.
Score:
Game 1: 11-3 Tyler
Game 2: 11-3 Tyler
Consolation Match:
Liz “Thin Lizzy” Henry vs. Liz “Football Head” Arnold
In this battle of the lady losers, Liz started off strong, but Liz’s backhand proved too quick for Liz. Liz kept her composure, while Liz struggled to gain any consistency. Though Liz took an early lead, Liz stumbled and Liz jumped on the opportunity to make a comeback against Liz. Liz fought hard to make a dent in the score, but in the end, Liz proved to be the bigger Liz, and Liz was the victor.
Score:
Game 1: 11-5 Liz
Game 2: 11-6 Liz
Round 3: The Finals
And here we are ladies and gentlemen, finally at the Finals. In this match to the death (not literally), the two remaining interns will play best of 5 games to determine who can call himself “Champion of the Interns”. Though the Champion will not be granted any special treatments for the remainder of his internship (this isn’t Miss America), his prize will be: Immortality. And a pretty snazzy t-shirt. Without further adieu (though you probably already figured it out from the recap above), here are the finalists for in the first ever Intern Inferno!
Tyler “The Goon” Muldoon vs. Phil “Honeycomb” Holcombe
You already know the facts about these players, so let’s delve into the rumor mill:
Where does Tyler’s talent come from, you ask? Rumors of steroid use have been skirting around the Boomerang Table for the past few days. Is the muscle filling out his shirt and fueling his shots real, or is it all juice? According to Liz “Thin Lizzy” Henry*, “Based on my…extensive research on this topic and conclusions based on documented pineapple evidence that implies [his] guilt, I would have to agree that the proof is in the pineapple”.
There’s no question Phil has a unique approach to his ping pong playing, which has brought him this far. But what about his mental approach to the game? With childhood stardom that faded faster than the shade of his skin, it’s been hypothesized that Phil’s mental stability has never quite recovered. Does he live in a dream world, stuck in his pre-pubescent years, living vicariously through toys and trinkets purchased with his dwindling funds? And how will it affect his game? We’ve all witnessed his bizarre, child-like answers to interview questions, now the real question is, is Phil heading for a breakdown? Mike “Suzuki Slim” Zwizanksi confirms*, “Definitely. [He’s] got the crazy eyes.”
*not original question
